


Is the Blood Mine or Yours?

by addictinthetrees



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Murder, Obsessive-Compulsive, Schizophrenia, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-28 09:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7635049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addictinthetrees/pseuds/addictinthetrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to run away from yourself when you're not even sure who you are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can You Wash Me, Can You Drown Me?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the very first fic I've ever uploaded, apologies if it's not the best! I feel like it's gonna go pretty well, or at least I hope so! I based it off a few vine edits I've seen in the past.

 

Run run run run. _Dontletthemknowitwasm_ e. Run run run. Itwasntme. Run run run. _Hedidthisnotme_ . Run run run. _Pleasehelpme_.

 

Tyler's feet slam on the ground in a steady cadence, (he has to stay in rhythm even if he's running away from everything. He has to stay in rhythm it is important he always stays in rhythm), as he runs away. Away from the neon lights, away from the deafening silence of midnight, away from himself. _Awayawayaway_. He can't believe he has done this, how could he do this? This is not him. The memories are blurry, his vision is blurry, the faces are blur- The faces are a blur. He is a blur, he is just another blur of a fa- blurryface. He is a blurryface. He stops to catch his breath but running is pointless, the only thing he is running from always caught up to him. He always catches up to himself. Of course, there was a time when he never had to run.

 

\--------

 

Tyler woke up shaking at exactly 2:34 AM, (Tyler always needed to know the time), attempting to recover from the recurring nightmare. He thought he would be used to them, he should have at this point with the same one every night for weeks. Mild variations were the only difference between terrors, but they always had the same plot, and unfortunately, the same conclusion. He thought about telling someone, but who? Josh? He couldn't burden him like that, couldn't dump that on always smiling Josh, on the same Josh who's eyes got even more squinty when he laughed. He couldn't bring himself to ruin beautiful, work of art Josh. Tyler pulled himself together and slowly fell back asleep at precisely 3:05 AM.

 

Tyler woke up at 10:47 AM, yawned, and attempted to stretch but ended up hitting his head on the bunk above him. The beds were extremely cramped, but luckily for Tyler, Josh always volunteered to take the top bunk, accepting the fact that he would roll off every time the bus hit a turn. Josh never slept much anyways, but preferred to get his artificial energy from obscene amounts of red bull. He was already awake when Tyler stumbled out of the cot, making his way to the mini kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Another perk of Josh's bad habit, he always woke up much earlier and made a pot of coffee for Tyler. Of course, Josh didn't drink much coffee at all, so it tasted like the smell of gasoline and made Tyler's lips tingle. Of course, Tyler didn't have the heart to tell Josh it was worse than what would be expected of a gas station. The sudden jolt of caffeine made Tyler feel a rush and his hair stood on end. Or maybe that was just from looking at Josh. _Wait, what?_ Tyler dismissed the stray thought as quickly as it materialized in his head.

 

Josh waved his hand in front of Tyler's face.

 

"Earth to Tyler, earth to Tyler. Snap out of it, dude," Josh laughed as he talked. Tyler jumped a little at the sound of Josh's voice and gave a quiet apology for being so distant. The other boy looked at him with concern.

 

"Are you sure you're ok, man?" Josh asked, "You're acting all, you know, spacey."

 

"I'm fine, I promise." Tyler opened his mouth to say more but changed his mind. Josh raised one eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. He could not taint him with his nightmares and his frights. Not the same Josh who gave him butterflies when he thought of him for too long. It would be like defacing a masterpiece.

 

Josh just nodded, understanding the need for silence and walked past Tyler to the lounge. He slapped Tyler on the shoulder as he passed him and Tyler felt a spark on every inch Josh had touched. No, why was he thinking like this? Why was he feeling this? No, Tyler could ruin Josh with one touch. With one touch, he could possess him.

 

Josh was too pure. No. Off limits. No.

 

Tyler knew if he wanted to keep those boundaries up, he couldn't be around the other boy right now.

 

"Hey, buddy," Tyler yelled at Josh over his video game, "I'm gonna go for a little walk."

 

"Don't get hit by a car."

 

"There go my plans." Tyler was smiling through his words.

 

"Don't get lost either."

 

"Alright, I'm leaving now, Josh"

 

"Don't get-."

 

Tyler closed the door in the middle of Josh's sentence, still smiling.

\--------------------------------

The boys never got breaks while on tour, so these four days of staying in Seattle were a dream come true. Tyler and Josh both loved the city, and Tyler loved watching the other boy's eyes light up at everything around him, especially at the top of the space needle. Tyler loved heights, loved climbing, loved flying, everything about it was like a drug to Tyler. Josh was sometimes nervous about them, but in the space needle, with Tyler standing, (maybe a little too), close, the boy with cotton candy hair was on top of the world. Quite literally. Beaming the whole way up, he pretended not to notice Tyler staring at his smile until they reached the top. Once on the observation deck, Tyler thought about putting his arm around Josh so many times, but always stopped himself, so afraid of spoiling the moment. And spoiling on top of the world Josh. So he snuck glances at his smile and glowing eyes as often as he could without Josh noticing. Well, he noticed, but he acted oblivious. Tyler wished he would have said something.

 

Tyler smiled at the memory of the day before as he headed away from the bus. Normally, they would have a hotel room, but complications came up with the booking and the boys decided it wasn't worth it for a few nights. After sleeping on the bunk, Tyler was starting to regret it. At least he was closer to Josh this way. He checked the time, 11:13 PM and headed toward the marketplace. He thought of seeing the glass gardens or maybe the huge Ferris wheel, but decided both would be a lot better with Josh there. Tyler made a mental note to drag him to both of them the next day. As he walked toward Pike Place, he noticed an aquarium and instantly thought of how much Josh would love it and how much Josh loved otters. God, all he could think about was Josh, he was surrounding everything and swirling around behind his eyes. He needed to snap out of it but he couldn't. And he didn't really want to.

 

Tyler realized a little too late that he had been too lost in thought and walked too far. He noticed an alley to his left and made the questionable decision to cut through it to try and make it to Pike Place. Much to his relief, it appeared to be empty. He ducked into it and attempted to get back on course.

 

His plan was interrupted when his head started pounding like someone was bashing his skull from the inside, trying to get out. He dropped to his knees, clutching his head in his hands, whimpering and wishing that a certain someone was there to help. What a horrible place to die, the middle of an alley in Seattle. He wasn't dying, though it seemed like a preferable alternative to whatever the hell was happening. He had finally lost it, he was sinking into the ground, drowning and choking on air. He grabbed at his neck, trying to coax a breath out, but the dirt on his hands left black marks all around his neck. He was screaming but no sound could escape when his head violently snapped back in a spasm. The unbearable pain stopped as suddenly as his head twitched.

 

A voice pierced his panicked thoughts. _Youhavetokillthem._ No no no, what was he thinking? That wasn't his voice, that was someone else. _Theywantyougone_.

 

He had never been this scared, this was every one of his nightmares piled up on top of each other. This time, he couldn’t wake up and Josh was not there waiting with his weak coffee and, God, he needed Josh there, he needed to tell him. His head was snapped back again and it all stopped. The voice was silent, the pain was gone, it had stopped. But something told Tyler it was far from over. He was shaking as if the weather had dropped forty degrees and threw up as soon as he got to his feet. He called Josh, there was no way he was walking to the bus alone. After waiting for the phone to ring, he was sent to voicemail.

 

"Hey, um it's Tyler and I can't explain anything right now but I'll text you the address of where I'm at and I need you to come an-." Josh suddenly picked up the phone, having heard the message start playing.

 

"Oh my god, Tyler, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you? I'm coming right now. God please be ok, please." Josh was rambling.

 

"Josh, Josh, it's ok, I'll be alright. I just need you to come pick me up at this address. I can't walk home alone, I guess I'll tell you about it all on the way back." Tyler hung up the phone. He texted the address of a shop he saw right outside the alley to Josh and crouched down in the alley. It was 11:40 PM and he couldn't believe that in 30 minutes, everything had changed about himself. He could not trust himself, Tyler had lost it. So he did the only thing he could think of. Cry, crouching in a dirty alley, and pray for Josh to show up faster.

 

Josh arrived sweaty and out of breath not even 5 minutes later. He must have sprinted, full on sprinted, the entire way to get there that fast. Tyler managed to limp out of the alley to a panicked Josh, waiting outside the shop that Tyler had texted him the address of. Josh saw him and ran toward him, immediately surrounding Tyler in a hug. Any other day, Tyler would have been anxious about the hug, but all he could think about was that he was safe. Finally, safe in Josh's arms, the only place he knew he could be healed, the only place he could be whole. He wrapped his arms around Josh's waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

 

"I don't know what's happening to me Josh, please, please help me." Tyler choked on the words.

 

"Shh Tyler, it's ok, calm down. We need to get back to the bus now and then we'll talk, alright?" Josh comforted Tyler, still hugging him. He could hear the panic in his voice rising. When Tyler stayed silent, Josh pulled away and placed his hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes.

 

"You're going to be ok, Tyler, say it. Say you're going to be ok."

 

"I'm going...to be...okay," Tyler spaced the words out slowly, not believing them, but saying them anyways for Josh's sake. Josh nodded and let his hands drop to his sides. Tyler longed for contact again so he reached out and grabbed Josh's hand. Josh looked up surprised at the feeling before he looked down at their hands. He had a confused expression on his face as he looked back up at Tyler, squeezing his hand and then smiling. Even his shaky grin made Tyler melt and for a moment he forgot about everything and allowed himself to be lost in Josh's eyes.

 


	2. It's Taking A Toll On My Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I cranked out another chapter while I was writing another fic, so here goes nothing!

Tyler’s brief moment of release was ended abruptly when Josh started gently tugging his arm in the general direction of where their bus was. Josh was quite obviously anxious to hear what could have possibly caused such a break out. He knew Tyler had struggled with panic attacks in the past, but if he had been staying on his medication, he should have been fine. Josh wondered for a moment if that was the issue, but he knew that Tyler was smarter than that. He would find out soon enough anyways, if Tyler decided he wanted to tell him. 

Tyler walked with Josh’s pull, hands still interlocked, and used his peripheral vision to glance over at Josh once in awhile, noting how he kept biting his lip nervously. Tyler’s thoughts were much too clouded to be thinking about something like Josh’s lips, but somehow he managed to make room in the clutter of his brain to think about the other boy. He shook the stray idea out of his mind and continued to stumble down the road, now thinking about how, (or if), he was going to tell Josh what had happened.

“Oh yeah I’m fine I promise, I just started hearing voices about killing people and my head felt like it was exploding but I’m totally fine, I swear.”

Something told Tyler that wouldn’t get the best reaction out of Josh. He could always lie or deny everything, but not to Josh. To anyone else, that would be the best approach. But around Josh, Tyler felt so drawn to tell him everything and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get one word out without gushing the full truth and story. Tyler sighed, cueing yet another concerned look from Josh. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Josh asked quietly, his voice shaking. 

Tyler shook his head, “Not yet,” he replied, so quiet he wasn’t sure Josh heard. But the other boy nodded slightly and cleared his throat, offering a small attempt at a smile. 

“That’s alright, you don’t have to until you’re ready,” Josh turned slightly towards Tyler to make sure he understood and Tyler couldn’t help but let out the tiniest laugh. Just that morning he had thought about how great life with Josh was and how amazing he was and now he was questioning his own sanity. He wasn’t even sure why, but suddenly everything was so overwhelming and Tyler was laughing and very soon he was sobbing into Josh’s shoulder for the second time in five minutes. Probably a new record for him. Josh pulled him into his shoulder, hugging him close to his chest, a position slightly awkward due to their height differences. Josh stroked Tyler’s hair, shushing and attempting to calm him, to very little success. Tyler was trying to choke out words to apologize, but Josh wouldn’t allow any speaking, he just continued to hug him closely and tell him everything was going to be alright.

“We need to get back to the bus, okay?” Josh proposed, “We can talk about it there, or not, and we can get you some water and just try and calm down, does that sound alright?”

Tyler sniffled and choked down more tears attempting to spill out of his eyes and nodded, once again taking hold of Josh’s arm and walking even faster towards the bus, making any attempt to get there before he had another breakdown. 

The walk home would have been amazing on any other day, the weather was great and with Tyler’s hand in Josh’s, he could have felt invincible. Tyler thought about apologizing or thanking Josh so many times, but he knew it would be reciprocated with a “Don’t worry about it, I’m always here for you” or something else that would inevitably make Tyler cry again for whatever reason, so he wisely chose to wait until they arrived at the bus. 

As soon as the bus was in sight, Tyler set off sprinting, Josh following as close behind as he could. The same moment they arrived, Tyler was folded over himself on the couch, his arms wrapped around his knees in a ball. Josh ran in directly behind him, shutting the door and wrapping himself around Tyler. Instantly he was crying into Josh again, certainly a new record. 

“Hey, hey, Tyler, look, it’s all going to be alright, all of it is going to be okay. You’re gonna make it through whatever it is that’s happening and I’m going to be here every single step of the way, got it? I’m never leaving. You’re going to be okay, everything will be okay,” Josh said quietly as he ran his hand up and down Tyler’s back, comforting him.

Tyler nodded again and allowed himself to drown in Josh’s embrace and breathe him in. Then he just started talking, not even registering the words as they came out of his mouth.

“Before I start, I swear I’m not completely crazy. So I was just on the way to Pike Place, you know, that market where they throw fish and stuff,” Tyler started to sniffle again. “And I wandered a little too far and being the idiot I am, I decided to try and take a back road instead of just going back and retracing my steps. So I ended up in between these two buildings in this weird alley and then my head started pounding,” Tyler paused and swallowed, struggling to remain calm. “So my head was exploding from the inside and it felt like I was going to die, and for a bit I almost hoped I was going to. And this is where it gets really weird, okay?” 

Tyler pulled away from Josh, even though he wanted to stay in his arms forever, he needed to be able to see his face. Josh was nodding, and reached out to grab his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze, telling him to continue. 

“So, um, my head jerked back and all the pain stopped, it just stopped, but I started hearing this voice. And it wasn’t me, it didn’t even sound like me.” He stopped to look up at Josh, who was trying to maintain a steady face, but Tyler could see panic behind his eyes and he had been chewing on his lip again. “It basically started talking about how ‘they’ wanted me dead and I needed to get them first and all this scary shit. I don’t even know how to describe it, Josh. It was just terrifying. I’ve never been more afraid. And then my head snapped back and it was over and I called you and I guess you know the rest from there.”  
Josh looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t, he was choking on his words. He soundlessly pulled Tyler into a hug and then he found the ability to speak.

“It’s okay Tyler, it wasn’t you, I know it wasn’t you. And it’s never going to happen again, alright? Because I am always going to be with you and I’ll always be here for you. Always. Tyler, you mean the world to me, and I am not letting this take you from me. Understand?” Josh was looking Tyler straight in the eyes, holding both of his hands, and it took everything Tyler had to not start crying again. 

Tyler nodded and noticed how badly he was shaking. Josh pulled him in for another hug as they stood.

“So how about some video games?” Josh asked, and somehow the timing was so wrong that it was right and Tyler smiled ear to ear. And then he was laughing, actually laughing, at the spontaneity of the moment and he found himself nodding and wiping away tears.

“Yeah, that would be great. I bet I can still kick your butt at Mario kart.” Tyler replied and Josh raised his eyebrows in mock offense.

“You’re on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short and kinda filler, but it's necessary filler, you feel? Things are gonna get very very interesting next chapter, in several ways ;-)


End file.
